Peripety and Chiastic Structure

Esther 2:7 ----------->Esther 2:9

I've been doing Beth Moore's Bible study of Esther looking into two literary devices used in this short book of the Bible. It is the only book in the Bible that doesn't use the name of God at all. it is an intriguing story of a Jewish orphan who later becomes the Queen of Persia and ends up rescuing the Jewish people living in the Empire from a holocaust. Though the hand of God is weaved intricately throughout the background of the book, it is subtle, yet powerful. 

The first literary device is: chiastic structure- inverted parallelism. it is a reversal of structures to make a powerful point. John F Kennedy's quote is a good example: "ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country." It is so powerful to see how God reverses the destiny of a young orphaned Jewish girl and she becomes the Queen of the Persian Empire. The book also shows inverted parallelism clearly in the story of a people group being sentenced to a mass execution by order of the king and to see the reversal of their destiny as the Queen steps up and out in boldness at the prompting of a family member. She uses her influence, at the risk of her own life, to save an entire nation of people by giving them the power and opportunity to fight for themselves.

The lesson I have embraced from the study is that Jesus Christ seeks us out so that He can reverse our destiny. I think of my childhood and the many Saturdays I spent at the community soccer and baseball fields with my mom. This is what happens when you have three older brothers in sports. I sat in the bleachers with my face (thick coke-bottled glasses and all) buried deep in a book. One day mom gently took me by the arm and firmly led me over to another little girl my age. I hid behind her as she attempted to introduce me... This was my story throughout Elementary school. Talk about a reversal of destiny! Later in high school I was voted Junior Class President and Senior Class President and couldn't walk from class to class without saying hello to every other student I passed. Still to this day my career is based on networking and relationships and after college I moved to New York City to start a new life and later lived in Italy and traveled to the Middle East to teach English. My friends watch me at a social gathering and are baffled, when I tell them I am naturally an introvert. A destiny reversed. My love for others and for people in general comes from Jesus. I can't help, but love and desire to get to know others, because each one of us has such a unique story. An epic story that is being written and we, like Esther, are the protagonist. 

The second literary device is called Peripety and by definition is a sudden turn of events that reverses the expected or intended outcome. What is it for you? What transformation and reversal of destiny have you seen or do you long to see in your life? Please know that it is possible. Maybe you grew up a very selfish child who had more than you could ever need or ask for and now you are involved in the community and sharing your excess blessing with those in need. Reversal of destiny. Or maybe, you were shy as a child like me, or even abused, and now you have a message that you need to share with others. You have had an encounter with the God working behind the scenes in your life and you can't and won't shut up about freedom! If you are still waiting for the turn of events to reverse the outcome others might "expect" from your life, than pray to the Living God for him to come and intervene. He will. The Lord longs to show you gracious compassion.

Voices

Last night I was walking past some housing projects downtown on my way to a church event. I was behind a woman and her daughter who were headed back to their apartment with some Chinese Take-Out. I’m not sure what the daughter had done, if anything at all, to make the mother so angry, but the closer I got to them (I walk New York kind of fast…) I heard the mother spitting out the most bitter angry words I have heard in a long time. “You are SO stupid!” “Why are you walking behind me?” “Stop walking so slow or I will punch you in your face!” The woman’s words dripped with pain, bitterness and hate. My heart broke for the daughter who looked to be no more than 9 years old. I wanted desperately to pull the young girl aside, look her straight in the face and tell her those were lies! A loving God who had great plans in store for her future made her. He made her with a plan and purpose in mind. To be free and lead others to freedom. That is His plan for every woman.

As I prayed this morning for that woman and her daughter to find freedom I thought of the voices I have heard in my life from those dream takers around me. Thankfully, not from my own mother, but I’m sure all of us can remember words of failure and defeat that were spoken to us or over us at one point in our past. I bet we can remember these memories with clear distinction. I go back to the day when I sat in 8th grade Science and took out my Cover Girl compact of pressed powder to apply lip gloss. All of the sudden I heard my science teacher yell at me in front of the whole class. “Put away your make-up! That sure isn’t going to help you in life so stop wasting your time!” The room got quiet and I said defiantly “ YES it is! I am going to be a model!” She laughed at me and her voice dripped with sarcasm as she rolled her eyes.“ Yea right Trinity. Sure.” A friend brought up the incident recently. She reminded me that I was doing now exactly what I told that teacher I dreamed of doing. Yes, I’m grateful I didn’t listen to that teacher. I’m also glad that I didn’t give up when all those agents I met with when I was younger said I wasn’t “model material” and I wasn’t in a place to succeed in the industry. I’m glad I didn’t listen. I’m so glad. It's not that God has plans for each of us to be a fashion model, but we all have dreams placed in us. God given desires that sometimes won't go away if there is a calling on our life. We all model something. Let us model courage. Let us model humility and unconditional love. Don't ever try to take someone else's dream or allow them to take yours...

Are there any words that you have played over in your mind and have allowed to influence any decisions or thought process? Please know and be reminded that WE choose who we listen to in our life. There is always going to be someone giving us his or her opinion until the day we breathe our last. It is up to us to choose whom to listen to and choose wisely.

Here are some truths from my maker (and yours) that I cling to daily:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD” –Jeremiah 29:11-14

“For nothing is impossible with God." -Luke 1:37

“The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." –Deuteronomy 31:8

“For you created my inmost being; 
you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, 
I know that full well. 
My frame was not hidden from you 
when I was made in the secret place, 
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; 
all the days ordained for me were written in your book 
before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! 
 How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, 
they would outnumber the grains of sand— 
when I awake, I am still with you. “–Psalm 139:13-18

If God be for us, who can be against us? He that spared not His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifies. Who is he that condemns? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us. -Romans 8:31b-34

What is a woman of strength?

It's a question that has been at the very least a lingering thought in my mind all of my adult life... I am a very fulfilled young, single woman living in arguably one of the most intense, competitive and diverse cities in the world. Only the strong survive, right? So if I want to survive, than what does it mean to be strong? I'm not satisfied with the vision of a strong woman that I have seen produced in my culture. That's not good enough. I don't want to be cold and isolate my heart on the inside while playing dominant and independent on the outside. Playing it safe in areas of deep longing is not OK with me anymore. I have to reawaken hidden desires and embrace them again.

 Last week I had a conversation with a new friend after church. Most of the conversation was about our singleness, amazing travel and opportunities in our life and how God showed faithful to us through the deferred dreams and heartbreaks of life. I don't know exactly what it was about that night that started to change my heart by first breaking it, but some intense stirring began to surface in my spirit and I came face to face with some old dreams that had been tucked safely away. Tucked away so tightly that I didn't even feel any pang of disappointment anywhere. I might have cried myself to sleep in realization that all was not well in my heart. As a reaction to reoccurring pain I made a vow to myself in the past, "I won't ever hurt like this ever again" and it helped me to complete successful construction of walls all around my heart. As women we often do this to take protection of our hearts into our own hands. It seems like a wise thing to do or even an automatic response to pain. It has just been revealed to me that I have numbed my heart to many dreams. I knew that there were some skeletons in the closet to face and I felt terrified and relieved at the same time. I could be free!!!!! Yes! From what? I feel that I have discovered a thought process in myself that doesn't go along with Jesus' teaching. I can't recall any teachings where he admonishes us to avoid risk and play it safe...

 A couple days later at a women's group we discussed the ideal woman outlined in Proverbs 31. Divine timing. Turns out I'm not the only woman desiring to find solid answers. This quote by C.S. Lewis came up in multiple conversations: "Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, and irredeemable... The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."

 I'm looking forward to the rest of the journey and more of the risk… “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.” -Romans 5:3-5

Why you probably haven't seen or talked to me lately...

There is a good chance you are reading this and wondering why it is so hard to find time to Skype, talk on the phone or even meet for a coffee with me. I'll tell you where I've been. I have been in the process of not only rejecting "the American Dream", but reversing the process that began my freshman year of college when I entered Express in the mall and was offered a harmless student credit card... This past April I began a work schedule that would make a very strong, healthy and busy person extremely tired. I declared war on my personal debt and booked my schedule so full of work that I wondered how many months I would be able to endure 7 day work weeks! Last summer I stopped shopping recreationally shopping and got so sick and tired of being broke, discontent and trapped! I was forced to stop spending and begin living life and making decisions that would stop digging myself a bigger hole. At 26 years old I absolutely refused to resort to bankruptcy! I got myself into this mess and I was going to get myself out with the help of God himself. I moved back to New York City, traveled with the Auto Shows and stayed with hospitable friends again until I could pay monthly rent. As the amount of work and opportunity grew I worked every second that was physically possible. I haven't had the normal relaxing summer most enjoy, but it has been liberating. As the paychecks began to pile up and the hard work caught up with me I started making phone calls. I called Mastercard and gave them ALL their $$, then I called Best Buy and told them the balance was in the account and a couple weeks after that I paid off my VISA online! When I got up each morning this summer to go to work or travel to the next city I had a smile on my face! I was one day closer to owning my life again! As I write this I have been able to pay off over $6,000 of personal debt!! I am following the Debt Repayment tips as outlined in Dave Ramsey's book "The Total Money Makeover". His plan is sound and it works. My new dream is to accept the motto " Have Less. Do More. Be More."

Is is not so important WHERE you begin, but that you do!

It has been a very long time since I wrote. The funny thing is that I compose blog entries in my mind on a consistent basis, but so many creative excuses enter my mind and convince me not to put the thoughts into writing. Sometimes it is the fear of being misunderstood or just plain insecurity. Am I being too candid? too personal? offensive? Sometimes I am just overwhelmed by the range of topics that my mind will think about each day. Should I put them in order, organize them or make categories for them? Who Cares! My new conclusion is "Who Cares! Just Start!" I've gotten to the point that my own indecisiveness and timidity is annoying myself! I choose to embrace the perspective of Theodore Roosevelt: "It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat." I will share my journey with those who want to read....

Don't Waste Your Life

I'm reading a book right now by John Piper on purpose and how not to waste your life. I get frustrated a lot of times because my own mind has its own ideas of how my life can best be used to help protect/save others and further the Kingdom of Jesus Christ on earth. I see consumerism everywhere. I see the obsession with beauty and possession or material things. I go to a shopping mall and I feel like my eyes have been opened. I see it all through different eyes because I used to be one of the girls on a mission to "acquire" more. Like a drug addict I would shop for that extra little fix that would make me feel better for a little bit or receive a sense of newness. It never lasted... My finances were constantly being choked and I wasn't able to save or put money away for the "rainy days" that always came. For years now I've heard tips on how to get out of debt, why you need to get out of debt, etc. I had good, pure motives and I tried many times. I failed over and over again....

Last summer, I had left my full-time job because I felt my spirit dying more and more each day I was in that office between the hours of 9am and 5pm. I quit and traveled in the Middle East for a month in the most sobering experience of my life (more on that to come) and then I returned to the USA, all my money was stolen on the way home and I hit financial bottom. This was last summer I finally realized I was sick and tired of being sick and tired!!! I was broke and though I had many amazing travel opportunities over the years since college I didn't have money to travel anymore until I got a handle on a broken financial situation. As I cleaned out my bedroom last fall at my parent's house and began to pack to return to New York City once more, I was determined to get rid of the majority of my "stuff"!! I traveled so much anyway. Why did I own enough clothes, shoes and accessories for a small village? With an empty bank account and a car FULL of garbage bags I went to the Goodwill and dragged each one inside. I felt less and less burdened with each bag I dropped off. Whenever a future desire or opportunity to shop presents itself I remember the embarrassment I felt inside when I packed up bag after bag, only packing what I wanted to keep. If it didn't fit into my little white car then it WASN'T coming to New York with me!!

Bankruptcy is not an option and I have never considered it. I knew I had options in New York to work hard and reestablish myself. Isn't that was dreamers have done since the great city was founded hundreds of years ago? My dream wasn't to go "Keep up with the Jones" anymore though. It was going to go toward getting financially free and paying back what I owed. World Travel is my desire and the freedom to make my own decisions and not let my finances make my decisions. I'm reading a book that has revolutionized my perspective of money and the role it plays in the life of a Christian. The Bible has more to say about money (about 2,350 verses) than faith and prayer combined... I am soul searching and I plan to find out why a healthy perspective on money is vital to personal freedom!

A love affair...

Ok. So I don't remember the day that I fell in love with Country Music. Wait!!! Maybe I do. I was experiencing a growing fascination with a genre of music that I didn't know a thing about and lyrics I couldn't relate to if I tried. I wasn't sure what was so great about East Tennessee, I had never gone swimming in a creek or watering hole, didn't know what a two-step was, or, AHEM.... why there would EVER be a tear in someone's beer (much less motivation to write a song about it)! Maybe peer pressure was one of the reasons I had always hated country music. Maybe the other reason was that I grew up listening to Nas, Cormega, Biggie, Puffy, Tu Pac, Da Brat and the Fugees! lol. Didn't see that one coming did you?

Anyway, back to the story... I grew up with a GREAT family and a safe home environment, but outside of that I saw and experienced quite a war zone. Sometimes, I made good decisions and sometimes some were not too smart, but I mostly stayed out of trouble. I went to large schools with kids from every imaginable background and ethnicity. I was able to view plenty of people's lives up close, friends, peers, their parents, many who led lives I was pretty sure I didn't want when I got older. My friends dealt with their parent's nasty divorces, got an abortion at a young age or went into High School struggling with an alcohol/Pornography or Drug addiction. My parents decided to adopt and at age 9 I acquired a sister who was...9 too! We could've been twins, if we hadn't been as different as night and day in every way, starting with skin color. My sister was African-American. I was Caucasian. She grew up with enough odds stacked against her it would make your head spin. I had both parents who loved each other and 3 doting and loving older brothers. Together she and I started the journey of adolescence trying to do our best to navigate the challenges of adolescence, transracial adoption and how God fit into our life, decisions and view of ourselves. More on that later...

Fast forward to the day I fell in love... with Country Music. It was 2009 and I was living in a small town in Southern Virginia in my parent's home again. I was a college grad, had lived in NYC for a couple years, spent 7 months living and traveling in Italy, France and Switzerland and was currently a 25 year old, frustrated MBA student having a "Quarter Life Crisis". I had many rich life experiences to that point, joys, heartbreak, new relationships, personal growth, intimate lessons on grace and forgiveness, new friends, loss and a challenged perspective of my trust in God and his timing. I had decided to move back home with my parents for a time and rest my weary spirit. Shortly after I moved home a self-acclaimed "Farm Boy" from Pennsylvania became a good friend of mine. He had such a zest and infectious appreciation for the simple things in life that I had lost track of. The heart of life wasn't supposed to be as complicated as it had become for me. He insisted that Country Music was "God's Music" (ha!) and couldn't believe I had never listened to any of it. We took a drive in the mountains one fall day enjoying the change of leaves and cool weather. His quest was to create a country music lover out of a city girl like me. He played a couple songs and explained the meaning of the lyrics and many were really sweet stories. one of them was a song that I could relate to! It was like a spirit balm for me. I was on a search for a fresh God, for what my purpose was in life and for a new identity as I entered a new season of life in womanhood. What was next for me? Where had I come from and where was I going?

Disclaimer: When Kenny Chesney wrote the song I think he was confused and meant to use the Yankees Baseball Cap and New York in the subject line...

Boston by Kenny Chesney
"She comes from Boston, works at the jewelry store
Down in the harbor, where the ferries come to shore
She never really knew how good it would feel
To finally find herself in a place, so warm and real

She wears a Red Sox cap to hide her baby dreads
The girl she was in New England, is different now and dead
In all the local bars, she flirts and tells the boys
While they're talking, she's from Boston

She comes from Boston, talks to her family, now and then
Through e-mails and post-cards, she tries to explain to them
That education and occupation will have to wait for now
She loves the Rosta Reggae rhythms, her dreams have changed somehow

She wears a Red Sox cap to hide her baby dreads
The girl she was in New England, is different now and dead
In all the local bars, she flirts and tells the boys
While they're talking, she's from Boston

Her toes dig deep and deeper in the sand
She's seduced by the sunsets and her new life at hand

She wears a Red Sox cap to hide her baby dreads
The girl she was in New England, is different now and dead
In all the local bars, she flirts and tells the boys
While they're talking, she's from Boston

She wears a Red Sox cap to hide her baby dreads

From Boston
She came to this island from Boston"

This song was about a girl like me who wanted to get out of the city and go to a carefree place where she could meet new people and have some new experiences. She kept a piece of the city identity with her, but she let the sunsets and the simple joys of life seduce her and give her a new vision for life.

That girl sure sounded a lot like me.

A blog about blogging....

Since I spend time being overwhelmed about what I should blog about next, I figured I'd just blog about the fact that I can't decide what to write about first. That is entirely because I have so many thoughts in my head at any given time that I want to sort through or even share with those who care to read. My mind is full of thoughts that have been influenced by what I have read and through my own personal lens of unique life experience. Do I write about why I dislike NYC, yet find myself living here, or why I want to move to Israel one day? Or why I am filled with love and compassion for the people in the Middle East who are experiencing oppression and horror at the hands of dictators with some wild eschatological beliefs and don't give people the freedom to choose their own religion? I can't handle small talk and I get bored easily. I feel a laser focus of intensity on the gathering of knowledge and understanding. If I am not learning something new I am truly bored. Reality TV bores me. Shopping bores me. Cocktail Parties bore me. An insatiable appetite for knowledge and a desire to build meaningful relationships with others interest me. That explains why I am spending Saturday night watching a documentary of New York City starting from the very beginning of the founding of a Dutch Fur-trading Colony in the 1600's.... LOL. I really have to remind myself to loosen up sometimes. "Hey Trinity! Loosen up!" There. I said it. to myself. Ha!

I have been training myself to become a morning person and that has become my favorite time of day! If you knew me in college you are staring at that last sentence in shock. Mornings are so fresh and they feel so warm as I loose myself in a hot cup of heaven... I mean coffee, and the words of an ancient book that comes alive with hope and feeds my parched spirit. The Bible. I'm entirely aware of my depravity as a human, but so aware of the deep love of a heavenly father I can't see, but can always feel his presence. I have such a sensitive heart these days. I cry softly the entire length of Praise & Worship/Special Music at church every time I go.....I see pain around me and I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders sometimes. I care about people and want others to know peace with God that can't be affected by any circumstances surrounding us. That is my desire. I get overwhelmed in my spirit with love for others and I'm paralyzed by my desire to help others, but not knowing where to even begin. So I start by smiling at a stranger or saying Good Morning to the bus driver... I can start there and remember that God is responsible and very capable of saving the world and its not up to me!

I was reminded of 2 facts of life last night at church. Fact #1: Life is Short. aaaand Fact #2: Life is Long. It's funny how both of those can be so true and at the same time! Every day and minute counts and is so precious when you think about it. The Bible says we aren't promised tomorrow and today really is a gift that is to be used. It is a resource and every human gets the same amount of time every day whether you are rich or poor. It doesn't matter. We ALL get 24 hours. I don't want regrets and I want to say a lot of "I love you's" every day. And when you think about the fact that life is long you must remind yourself that what you do today shapes your future. I'm only 26, but that's given me thousands of days so far and who knows how many more! To be honest it doesn't really matter how many more. That's God's department :)

I feel less burdened already. Like I just counseled myself through my own blog entry....

The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber...

The past 2 months I have gone through such a personal transformation. I don't see the world through the same eyes that I used to.... Everything is different and I feel I have a sixth sense of the spiritual sort. Nothing around me is really as it seems. Like Neo in the Matrix I feel like I've woken up from an oblivious state and I see things differently. I see my finances differently, my friendships, the culture in which I live, the people I've met in my world travels. Some Sara Groves lyrics come to mind:

"Something changed inside me broke wide open all spilled out
Till I had no doubt that something changed. Never would have believed it till I felt it in my own heart
In the deepest part the healing came"

I have found personal healing of the heart, but now I am so utterly aware of the painful and broken world around me. Though I am a follower of Jesus Christ I am not exempt from suffering or feeling physical, emotional or spiritual pain.

A mentor of mine shared the verse with me yesterday that really gave me added perspective. It is in the book of Romans verses 11-12 in the Bible: "The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. The night is nearly over; the day is almost here."

That makes sense. The world is in upheaval. natural and catastrophic disasters are happening every day on continents around the world, we are fighting unconventional wars in a region of turmoil and confusion. Is God still around and involved? Does he have anything to say about what's happening today? Yes, he most definitely is and I plan on finding out what he wants us to know and learn about the world around us. A lot of people are walking around as if we have 1,000 years to live on this earth. We don't. At best we've got about 50 or 75 total. There's more to life than what we see. Much much more....

Come on this journey with me.

Date a girl who reads.

An article by Rosemarie Urquico:
"Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes..."


Couldn't have said it better myself. So I won't.

Valentine's Day

I am happier than I have ever been in my season of singleness right now. Over the years I have experienced a roller-coaster of experiences in relationships and questioned God's timing. I am so at peace with where the journey has taken me and the strength of character God has developed in me through my own pain, tears, impatience and bad decisions made when I moved ahead of God without letting him lead. I have a purpose that has been given by God before I was even born. I strive daily to stay in step with my Lord. He made my heart and knows me most intimately. He has filled me to overflowing with love and purpose and I'm lacking nothing in my life. My time is precious and I need to be discerning with how and who I spend it with... God is fully capable of clearly showing me if a man that is pursuing me is one that needs to be in my life. Until then, I will live each of my days just as I am now, with expectancy of all the God is doing in the world and how he wants me to be a part of his plans. God has been bringing liberating perspective in my life on every front, including: finances, faith, intellectual growth and peace. It isn't easy by any means to be a young, single woman in a big city, but I am blown away that God believes I'm strong enough to handle it, and not just handle it, but thrive in the circumstances. I'm convinced of the love of Jesus Christ and trust his promises that he will give me everything I need to live a life of victory in every area!

Parable of the Great Banquet as taught on the A train

I stared aimlessly out the window as the subway hurdled through the underground tunnels. I caught some movement out of the corner of my eye and looked over at a crippled man started making his way onto our train with great difficulty. It seemed as if every limb of his wanted to go in a different direction. He had a kind face and appeared to be in his early 40's. He began to speak and though his speech impediment made it hard for him to speak in complete sentences, it wasn't hard to understand what he was saying. He had 3 children at home to feed and his benefits just weren't enough to make ends meet....

Now, New Yorkers see many people every day begging on the train. Usually the men and women are dirty and have torn clothes and evidence of drug/alcohol abuse or mental instability. This man was different. You could tell that he cleaned up as nicely as he could and had this genuine, strong voice as he told his story and made eye contact. I fought back tears as almost every person on the train within ear shot started giving him money before getting off. The man was thanking God and everyone profusely and his face was radiant with gratefulness!

I couldn't help but think of the Parable of the Great Banquet in the New Testament where Jesus is teaching and urges those near to him to not just invite friends, family and rich neighbors when you have a luncheon or feast, for they will probably invite you to one of their parties at some point and repay the favor. In Luke 14:13-14 "But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous."

This is God's plan for sharing his love with desperate people and meeting their needs. He could easily drop supernatural "manna" from the heavens... OR he may just want to share the joy around and let US be a part of his provision! Nothing is more liberating than holding the resources God has generously provided each of us with open hands.

Pay it forward.

"I will take a stand at my watchpost and station myself on the tower, and look out to see what he will say to me."- Habakkuk 2:1

I'm thinking about my "watchpost" today. Though my heart is always full of wisdom the Lord gave and vision for my future, I get frustrated sometimes when I try to live in the future or in my own timing. I constantly spend time alone in my thoughts processing my desires and dreams. Where is my time best spent? What is your definition of success for me? It's not money, unless I'm giving it away... I don't care anything of fame unless it is your fame Jesus. Your message of freedom is so powerful that it is illegal in 52 countries. How can I best show what has changed my life as I daily understand who I am because of the passion of Jesus and how it brought him to the pain of crucifixion?

I consistently remind myself of the times God has been patient and faithful and showed me clearly the way to go or opened a door for me to walk through... He made it clear to me, though I was slow to agree, to come back to NYC. All my provision (work, $$) dried up in other cities and I knew deeply in my heart that I wasn't to take an office job or something to just make money and survive. I can't be mediocre. As long as I am clearly at peace with God and on the path he has given me then I will take any risk necessary to obey. Now I must know what the commands are.... My "watchpost" is working in New York City and maximizing my free time to reflect and sit still. I will station myself here and listen to what The Lord will say. Just as Habbakuk wrote these words of surrender to God's timing I am taking them to heart. He struggled just as I do with watching the evil in the world and wondering why God wasn't interceding where there was such a wealth of social injustice and violence. Just as Habbakuk did I can boldly approach my Lord with concerns and still have courage as I glimpse God's sovereign rule and hope to trust in God's plans regarding the dark days ahead. I am encouraged by the example of honesty and boldness Habbakuk showed.

Hab. 1:1-4

"How long, O Lord, must I call for help?... Violence is everywhere but you do not come to save....Must I forever see these evil deeds? Why must I watch all of this misery? The law has become paralzed , and there is no justice in the courts. The wicked far outnumber the righteous, so that justice has become perverted."

The Lord's response to Habbakuk (1:5) is so encouraging:

"The Lord replied,

"Look around at the nations; look and be amazed!

For I am doing something in your own day, something you wouldn't believe

even if someone told you about it."

I promise to look around at the nations, God and see what you are doing around the world. You have not left your people suffering alone... Thank you for reminding me. Hope is always alive, even in perilous times. You have called me and others to minister to the suffering on your behalf. Give me vision for my role.

Men in Uniform

lol. I've been asked this question a couple times before for various reasons... At first, a part of me wants to be confused, offended or get defensive. I stop though and remember last week when I was running through the Times Square Subway station to catch my next train. My heart stopped when I noticed a big black duffel bag laying next to a pillar in the middle of the busy station. I started searching for "a man in uniform" and found one a moment later. Another frantic gentleman reached him at the same time and we quickly pointed out the bag to him. I didn't wait around, but hurried on. I know that there are those with evil intentions who want to "test" our system and see what they can get away with, BUT.... I can't help, but be fascinated when I think about the less than 1% of our population that takes the fight to the enemy overseas. Our Military. As I read, observe and learn more of what military life entails the more my respect levels rise for anyone who serves or has ever served. Yes, it's a frustrating War on Terror we are fighting, with sometimes painfully slow progress, but I grow in gratefulness daily to all the sacrifices that attribute to every safe bus ride or airplane flight I take. The more I know, the less I take that lightly.

Of COURSE I have "a thing" for men in uniform. EVERY American should.

Here's one simple way to show your support to soldiers who are far from home:

Other ways you can support the troops:

Fisher House Foundation (www.fisherhouse.org)

Disabled American Veterans Charitable Service Trust (www.dav.org)

The Veterans Northeast Outreach Center (www.northeastveterans.org)

Home is where my heart is...

"No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and it's not the same man."

-Heraclitus

We touched down on the snow covered runway and the little plane jerked back and forth until it came to a complete stop. The above quote is referring to my "river": New York City. I walked through LaGuardia terminal and couldn't help but feel as if it had been years since I was last here. Was it really only 5 days ago I left for the Omaha Auto Show? I'm technically back home but I feel like a stranger. I've recently realized that the more I travel, the more time I must attend to the health of my heart since that is the only real home I have... No matter where I am I can close my eyes and pray about my concerns or just bask in the peace that passes all understanding. I lived in New York a couple years ago, but I'm back and it's like the first time. My heart is stirring with new vision and dreams. I don't know what's next, but do know that my heart is being strategically prepared. God is responsible for that and I just have to be willing to be stretched... It's not very pleasant most of the time, but I must remain in an expectant posture and be ready for the next risk that presents itself to me. As 2011 begins, I am reminiscent of all that I learned about great men and women of God during my 4 years at Liberty University. I read and learned about men like Charles Spurgeon, Dr. AW Tozer, George Mueller and even sat under the teaching of the late Rev. Jerry Falwell. What did they have in common? What allowed these men to be so effective and driven as visionaries and leaders? Though there are a couple of things the one that always stuck in my mind is the way each of these men awoke early in the morning hours to approach the throne of the Almighty God and come into his presence. They spent the early morning hours in prayer and solitude. They took their cue from Jesus.

• Mark 1:35 "Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed."

• Luke 5:16 "But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed."

"If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten."
-T. Robbins

I want more than what I've always had. New York, New York is the city God has chosen for this season of my life and taking to heart wisdom and the example set by great men and women of God... then 7:00am here I come.