The Blue Dress

“From cover to cover [of the Bible], from beginning to end, the cry of God’s heart is, “Why won’t you choose me?” It is amazing to me how humble, how vulnerable God is on this point.” -John Eldredge

“We need not fear that in seeking God only we may narrow our lives or restrict the motions of our expanding hearts. The opposite is true. We can well afford to make God our All, to concentrate, to sacrifice the many for the One.” -A.W. Tozer 

The dress arrived in a round package. It looked familiar, but I hadn’t seen it in over a year. There was something strangely comforting about the blue polyester material of this vintage dress with the feminine bow detail around the neckline...  As I held the dress I couldn’t ignore the memories from rushing back. It brought me back to that sunny, summer day in New York City... 

I was sitting in the middle of Central Park on a rock sobbing under my oversized sunglasses and sipping on some Au Bon Pain dark roast, when I got a call. “Trin, are you ok love? Come to New Jersey with me and my friend who’s in town. It’ll be good for you to get out.”

I wish I could say I woke up that morning, but that means you would’ve had to be asleep first. The night before ended with a phone call where my current relationship unexpectedly came to an end. I had done my best. I had prayed, I loved hard, I made sacrifices, I was available, I made excuses for his lack of effort, fought hard to make it work and affirm him as a man in every way I knew how. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough and was undeniably one-sided. The time of making excuses and living in denial were over. The reality hit me like a ton of bricks, but it was definitely over. 3 1/2 years of on again off again had ended. I cried most of the night and texted my roommate in the morning to tell her the news. She was out of town for work in Miami and texted our other girlfriends for reinforcements. 

I went with them even though I didn’t feel like it, knowing it was best. I’m so glad I did. We fought the traffic in Lincoln Tunnel, got lunch and ate it on the coast in Jersey and decided to hit up a Goodwill before heading back to the city. I don’t know who spotted it first, but we discovered the cutest blue dress on the sale rack for just a couple dollars! We both tried it on and loved it! The only problem was that it had a dark stain on the front. We decided that it was worth it to get it and see if we could get the stain out, so we did. My precious friend bought it and promised to pass it on to me if it worked out. She messaged me a couple weeks later she had gotten it cleaned and was loving it. 

Now over a year later, true to her word, I have it in my hands and it’s my turn to wear it, twirl around and enjoy the beauty of being a lady in a dress! To be loved deeply is to feel beautiful. It doesn’t matter what you look like, how much you weigh, where you live or how much money you have. When you are rejected and feel discarded and “stained” it’s painful and, unfortunately, no woman can rush the healing process. The dress reminded me of the journey and the healing I have experienced since that day. Even though I have a good man in my life now who loves me deeply, I am reminded of the hope that I have had along this journey of womanhood. The hope that came to me from the incomparable love of Jesus. It was the existence and purposes of this man Jesus that gave me hope for my future, no matter I would face in the days ahead. He fought for me, he suffered and sacrificed just to have a relationship with me. He did the same for you. You are not rejected or forgotten by God. No matter what has happened in your life. Immerse yourself in this truth today: "I'm chosen. I've been fought for. I'm passionately pursued, not for my body, but for my heart."

More than a year ago, that same dress lay discarded in a Goodwill in New Jersey and I lay discarded in my Upper West Side apartment. The beautiful truth that has been so liberating for me recently is that God longs for us to love him. Not only are we not rejected by him, but he searches for us and his eyes roam the earth for those of us that have our hearts set on him. He WANTS to show himself strong for us. He is so vulnerable and humble as he fights for us, waits for us and deeply desires to not only restore us, but to be quickly found by him when we search for him. He isn’t distant and uninvolved. He is a lover that waits to romance us. He will never force us to love him, but O, how deeply he waits and longs for us to choose him! The heart of a woman is for relationship and that does not make a woman weak, quite the opposite. It is the very heart of God and woman was created in his image, so it makes perfect sense that he placed that identity of relationship within us. 

"But Zion said, “The LORD has forsaken me, the Lord has forgotten me.” “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! ” . . . declares the LORD. (Isa. 49:14–15, 18)
(A promise of the Lord for the nation of Israel, spoke by the Prophet Isaiah and a beautiful principle that we can embrace as children adopted into the family of God.)

Eldredge, John; Eldredge, Stasi (2007-07-10). Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul (Kindle Locations 468-469). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.