The Lord of the Rings

First of all, I have a confession to make. The first time I saw The Fellowship of the Ring movie in the theatre I fell asleep and took a peaceful nap most of the movie until the Orgs burst onto the scene. Apparently, no one told them about "6-inch voices"! Before you lose total respect for me and think I'm totally lame, let me explain... For starters, I had a cold and was really tired. Second and final point, I was a 16-year old high school girl who had an extremely hard time distinguishing the good guys from the bad guys, because everybody had long hair and strange shaped ears. Ok, end of story and subsequent rabbit trail. Also, now that I understand the story line they are some of my favorite movies and I eagerly await The Hobbit's debut next year! Moving along...

"I wonder what sort of tale we've fallen into?" 

-J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Being a Christian is about as boring as being Frodo or Sam in the Lord of the Rings... I say this completely out of love, but anyone that is under the impression that living as a follower of Jesus is boring, is quite misguided. Every mistake in life has a price attached and being ignorant of your purpose or the fact that you have one is too expensive a mistake to make. Read on.....Believe me, if you are doing life the right way, you will be in for an epic journey! 

Can I just say from my heart, as if I were sitting across from you and we both had coffee mugs in hand, you were lovingly thought of by a god in heaven that had a purpose in mind for you from the very beginning? 

"For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you."

Psalm 139:13-18

I don't care if that's the first time or the 200th time you've read it, read it again and again if you need to to let the words sink in! 

I have really begun to understand my life in this framework of an epic story, because I understand what it's like to be the main character in the middle of the story where you think the end has just taken place, having a hard time realizing that it's far from over.

One of my older brothers loves the writings of Frederick Buechner and in his work Telling the Truth, Buechner describes the Gospel story of Christianity in the following way:

"It is a world of magic and mystery, of deep darkness and flickering starlight. it is a world where terrible things happen and wonderful things too. It is a world where goodness is pitted against evil, love against hate, order against chaos, in a great struggle where often it is hard  to be sure who belongs to which side because appearances are endlessly deceptive. Yet for all its confusion and wildness, it is a world where the battle goes ultimately to the good, who live happily ever after, and where in the long run everybody, good and evil alike, becomes known by his true name... That is the fairy tale of the Gospel with, of course, one crucial difference from all other fairy tales, which is that the claim made for it is that it is true, that it not only happened once upon a time but has kept on happening ever since and is happening still."

Now is the time...

John 6
³⁵ Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; he who comes to Me will not hunger, and he who believes in Me will never thirst. ³⁶ But I said to you that you have seen Me, and yet do not believe. ³⁷ All that the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will certainly not cast out.³⁸ For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me. ³⁹ This is the will of Him who sent Me, that of all that He has given Me I lose nothing, but raise it up on the last day. ⁴⁰ For this is the will of My Father, that everyone who beholds the Son and believes in Him will have eternal life, and I Myself will raise him up on the last day.”


I've always been quicker to listen, observe, watch and reflect, than to speak. My early years were spent listening and observing the teachings of Jesus through church, watching my parents and hearing the Words of God in scripture. The earliest memory I can conjure up is sitting in the passenger seat of the car in the parking lot of Ralph's grocery store discussing salvation with my mother. It was just a couple months after my 4th birthday at that time. I reached out to my mother the other day to ask her what she remembers of that day. She had written this entry in October of 1988, Southern California:


"I had talked to Trinity the night before, once again, about the plan of
salvation. On this day as we were driving into the parking lot at Ralph's
grocery store in Portola Plaza, Mission Viejo, Trinity said, "I've got God in
my heart!" After questioning her, she said she asked Jesus in, that He'd
never leave her, that His Spirit was in her heart, and His body was up in
heaven! Another sign of her independent spirit -- to do it "BY HERSELF!" -my Mother

^{2 Corinthians 6:2}

^{2 "}For he says,

“In the time of my favor I heard you,
    and in the day of salvation I helped you.”

I tell you, now is the time of God’s favor, now is the day of salvation."

I always knew there was a God and I have never once doubted his existence my entire life. I did many years later doubt that his intentions for me were good though (more about that later). I knew God's presence deeply and personally from that young age forward and realize now that though salvation is an experience and decision that happens once and it sets a course for the rest of your life. It was the starting line of a race, the gun went off and I started running.....

Hebrews 12

 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. ² We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. ³ Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up."

Where life begins...

"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. So if you're feeling uncomfortable right now, know that the change taking place in your life is a beginning, not an ending." -Neale Donald Walsch

I am a very private person. My deep light and love for people of all shapes and sizes and from all backgrounds even masks the fact that I get my energy from being alone. Only those who have lived life alongside me know the amount of time I spend alone to balance my career, social life and ministry. My privacy is a comfortable place for me emotionally, but I have a story to tell. Whether you have known me as Model, Senior Class President, MTV Reality TV Star, co-worker, Prayer Group leader, Traveler, friend, acquaintance or maybe you know nothing at all about me... 

Social Media is an amazing tool of technology, but it is superficial and might cause you to believe that my life is very predictable and that success and adventure are all an easy flowing part of my life. It would be disrespectful to God himself to not share my journey of freedom. I am not the woman I am today because life has been super fun and a long “mountain top experience” with lots of new opportunities constantly coming my way. No one on Facebook or Twitter saw me curled up in the fetal position clutching my chest as if it would hold a broken heart together or the expletives in my prayer journal as I poured out my frustration to God about my teenage years... I have kept my struggles, spiritual revelations and past pain of deferred dreams a secret, but I want to take a flying leap out of my comfort zone and share some of it, so that it can help other women. I don't want my pain and mistakes to be wasted. Life is a battle to be fought. There are 2 sides: Light and Darkness, and there is no neutral ground. 

“The men and women who are truly filled with light are those who have gazed deeply into the darkness of their own imperfect existence.” –Brennan Manning