Valentine's Day

I am happier than I have ever been in my season of singleness right now. Over the years I have experienced a roller-coaster of experiences in relationships and questioned God's timing. I am so at peace with where the journey has taken me and the strength of character God has developed in me through my own pain, tears, impatience and bad decisions made when I moved ahead of God without letting him lead. I have a purpose that has been given by God before I was even born. I strive daily to stay in step with my Lord. He made my heart and knows me most intimately. He has filled me to overflowing with love and purpose and I'm lacking nothing in my life. My time is precious and I need to be discerning with how and who I spend it with... God is fully capable of clearly showing me if a man that is pursuing me is one that needs to be in my life. Until then, I will live each of my days just as I am now, with expectancy of all the God is doing in the world and how he wants me to be a part of his plans. God has been bringing liberating perspective in my life on every front, including: finances, faith, intellectual growth and peace. It isn't easy by any means to be a young, single woman in a big city, but I am blown away that God believes I'm strong enough to handle it, and not just handle it, but thrive in the circumstances. I'm convinced of the love of Jesus Christ and trust his promises that he will give me everything I need to live a life of victory in every area!

Parable of the Great Banquet as taught on the A train

I stared aimlessly out the window as the subway hurdled through the underground tunnels. I caught some movement out of the corner of my eye and looked over at a crippled man started making his way onto our train with great difficulty. It seemed as if every limb of his wanted to go in a different direction. He had a kind face and appeared to be in his early 40's. He began to speak and though his speech impediment made it hard for him to speak in complete sentences, it wasn't hard to understand what he was saying. He had 3 children at home to feed and his benefits just weren't enough to make ends meet....

Now, New Yorkers see many people every day begging on the train. Usually the men and women are dirty and have torn clothes and evidence of drug/alcohol abuse or mental instability. This man was different. You could tell that he cleaned up as nicely as he could and had this genuine, strong voice as he told his story and made eye contact. I fought back tears as almost every person on the train within ear shot started giving him money before getting off. The man was thanking God and everyone profusely and his face was radiant with gratefulness!

I couldn't help but think of the Parable of the Great Banquet in the New Testament where Jesus is teaching and urges those near to him to not just invite friends, family and rich neighbors when you have a luncheon or feast, for they will probably invite you to one of their parties at some point and repay the favor. In Luke 14:13-14 "But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous."

This is God's plan for sharing his love with desperate people and meeting their needs. He could easily drop supernatural "manna" from the heavens... OR he may just want to share the joy around and let US be a part of his provision! Nothing is more liberating than holding the resources God has generously provided each of us with open hands.

Pay it forward.

"I will take a stand at my watchpost and station myself on the tower, and look out to see what he will say to me."- Habakkuk 2:1

I'm thinking about my "watchpost" today. Though my heart is always full of wisdom the Lord gave and vision for my future, I get frustrated sometimes when I try to live in the future or in my own timing. I constantly spend time alone in my thoughts processing my desires and dreams. Where is my time best spent? What is your definition of success for me? It's not money, unless I'm giving it away... I don't care anything of fame unless it is your fame Jesus. Your message of freedom is so powerful that it is illegal in 52 countries. How can I best show what has changed my life as I daily understand who I am because of the passion of Jesus and how it brought him to the pain of crucifixion?

I consistently remind myself of the times God has been patient and faithful and showed me clearly the way to go or opened a door for me to walk through... He made it clear to me, though I was slow to agree, to come back to NYC. All my provision (work, $$) dried up in other cities and I knew deeply in my heart that I wasn't to take an office job or something to just make money and survive. I can't be mediocre. As long as I am clearly at peace with God and on the path he has given me then I will take any risk necessary to obey. Now I must know what the commands are.... My "watchpost" is working in New York City and maximizing my free time to reflect and sit still. I will station myself here and listen to what The Lord will say. Just as Habbakuk wrote these words of surrender to God's timing I am taking them to heart. He struggled just as I do with watching the evil in the world and wondering why God wasn't interceding where there was such a wealth of social injustice and violence. Just as Habbakuk did I can boldly approach my Lord with concerns and still have courage as I glimpse God's sovereign rule and hope to trust in God's plans regarding the dark days ahead. I am encouraged by the example of honesty and boldness Habbakuk showed.

Hab. 1:1-4

"How long, O Lord, must I call for help?... Violence is everywhere but you do not come to save....Must I forever see these evil deeds? Why must I watch all of this misery? The law has become paralzed , and there is no justice in the courts. The wicked far outnumber the righteous, so that justice has become perverted."

The Lord's response to Habbakuk (1:5) is so encouraging:

"The Lord replied,

"Look around at the nations; look and be amazed!

For I am doing something in your own day, something you wouldn't believe

even if someone told you about it."

I promise to look around at the nations, God and see what you are doing around the world. You have not left your people suffering alone... Thank you for reminding me. Hope is always alive, even in perilous times. You have called me and others to minister to the suffering on your behalf. Give me vision for my role.