It's a question that has been at the very least a lingering thought in my mind all of my adult life... I am a very fulfilled young, single woman living in arguably one of the most intense, competitive and diverse cities in the world. Only the strong survive, right? So if I want to survive, than what does it mean to be strong? I'm not satisfied with the vision of a strong woman that I have seen produced in my culture. That's not good enough. I don't want to be cold and isolate my heart on the inside while playing dominant and independent on the outside. Playing it safe in areas of deep longing is not OK with me anymore. I have to reawaken hidden desires and embrace them again.
Last week I had a conversation with a new friend after church. Most of the conversation was about our singleness, amazing travel and opportunities in our life and how God showed faithful to us through the deferred dreams and heartbreaks of life. I don't know exactly what it was about that night that started to change my heart by first breaking it, but some intense stirring began to surface in my spirit and I came face to face with some old dreams that had been tucked safely away. Tucked away so tightly that I didn't even feel any pang of disappointment anywhere. I might have cried myself to sleep in realization that all was not well in my heart. As a reaction to reoccurring pain I made a vow to myself in the past, "I won't ever hurt like this ever again" and it helped me to complete successful construction of walls all around my heart. As women we often do this to take protection of our hearts into our own hands. It seems like a wise thing to do or even an automatic response to pain. It has just been revealed to me that I have numbed my heart to many dreams. I knew that there were some skeletons in the closet to face and I felt terrified and relieved at the same time. I could be free!!!!! Yes! From what? I feel that I have discovered a thought process in myself that doesn't go along with Jesus' teaching. I can't recall any teachings where he admonishes us to avoid risk and play it safe...
A couple days later at a women's group we discussed the ideal woman outlined in Proverbs 31. Divine timing. Turns out I'm not the only woman desiring to find solid answers. This quote by C.S. Lewis came up in multiple conversations: "Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, and irredeemable... The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."
I'm looking forward to the rest of the journey and more of the risk… “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.” -Romans 5:3-5
Last week I had a conversation with a new friend after church. Most of the conversation was about our singleness, amazing travel and opportunities in our life and how God showed faithful to us through the deferred dreams and heartbreaks of life. I don't know exactly what it was about that night that started to change my heart by first breaking it, but some intense stirring began to surface in my spirit and I came face to face with some old dreams that had been tucked safely away. Tucked away so tightly that I didn't even feel any pang of disappointment anywhere. I might have cried myself to sleep in realization that all was not well in my heart. As a reaction to reoccurring pain I made a vow to myself in the past, "I won't ever hurt like this ever again" and it helped me to complete successful construction of walls all around my heart. As women we often do this to take protection of our hearts into our own hands. It seems like a wise thing to do or even an automatic response to pain. It has just been revealed to me that I have numbed my heart to many dreams. I knew that there were some skeletons in the closet to face and I felt terrified and relieved at the same time. I could be free!!!!! Yes! From what? I feel that I have discovered a thought process in myself that doesn't go along with Jesus' teaching. I can't recall any teachings where he admonishes us to avoid risk and play it safe...
A couple days later at a women's group we discussed the ideal woman outlined in Proverbs 31. Divine timing. Turns out I'm not the only woman desiring to find solid answers. This quote by C.S. Lewis came up in multiple conversations: "Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, and irredeemable... The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."
I'm looking forward to the rest of the journey and more of the risk… “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.” -Romans 5:3-5
