Saturday, March 12, 2011

A blog about blogging....

Since I spend time being overwhelmed about what I should blog about next, I figured I'd just blog about the fact that I can't decide what to write about first. That is entirely because I have so many thoughts in my head at any given time that I want to sort through or even share with those who care to read. My mind is full of thoughts that have been influenced by what I have read and through my own personal lens of unique life experience. Do I write about why I dislike NYC, yet find myself living here, or why I want to move to Israel one day? Or why I am filled with love and compassion for the people in the Middle East who are experiencing oppression and horror at the hands of dictators with some wild eschatological beliefs and don't give people the freedom to choose their own religion? I can't handle small talk and I get bored easily. I feel a laser focus of intensity on the gathering of knowledge and understanding. If I am not learning something new I am truly bored. Reality TV bores me. Shopping bores me. Cocktail Parties bore me. An insatiable appetite for knowledge and a desire to build meaningful relationships with others interest me. That explains why I am spending Saturday night watching a documentary of New York City starting from the very beginning of the founding of a Dutch Fur-trading Colony in the 1600's.... LOL. I really have to remind myself to loosen up sometimes. "Hey Trinity! Loosen up!" There. I said it. to myself. Ha!

I have been training myself to become a morning person and that has become my favorite time of day! If you knew me in college you are staring at that last sentence in shock. Mornings are so fresh and they feel so warm as I loose myself in a hot cup of heaven... I mean coffee, and the words of an ancient book that comes alive with hope and feeds my parched spirit. The Bible. I'm entirely aware of my depravity as a human, but so aware of the deep love of a heavenly father I can't see, but can always feel his presence. I have such a sensitive heart these days. I cry softly the entire length of Praise & Worship/Special Music at church every time I go.....I see pain around me and I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders sometimes. I care about people and want others to know peace with God that can't be affected by any circumstances surrounding us. That is my desire. I get overwhelmed in my spirit with love for others and I'm paralyzed by my desire to help others, but not knowing where to even begin. So I start by smiling at a stranger or saying Good Morning to the bus driver... I can start there and remember that God is responsible and very capable of saving the world and its not up to me!

I was reminded of 2 facts of life last night at church. Fact #1: Life is Short. aaaand Fact #2: Life is Long. It's funny how both of those can be so true and at the same time! Every day and minute counts and is so precious when you think about it. The Bible says we aren't promised tomorrow and today really is a gift that is to be used. It is a resource and every human gets the same amount of time every day whether you are rich or poor. It doesn't matter. We ALL get 24 hours. I don't want regrets and I want to say a lot of "I love you's" every day. And when you think about the fact that life is long you must remind yourself that what you do today shapes your future. I'm only 26, but that's given me thousands of days so far and who knows how many more! To be honest it doesn't really matter how many more. That's God's department :)

I feel less burdened already. Like I just counseled myself through my own blog entry....

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