A deep desire lies within me... Many of them actually. Funny saying that, because I forgot, or just chose to. My true confession is that I have a hidden talent or habit of stuffing desire. I'm good at it. I can bury it so deeply it will disappear completely. I learned it many years ago. Disappointment taught me to survive by getting rid of those desire I didn't have mental capital or faith to entertain. However, I'm facing a season of life as a woman where they are all rising to the surface at the same time, but I am doing my best to face them one at a time. Back to the one I'm thinking of this morning. Some days I acknowledge it and other days I ignore it. The question still remains. How do I live with it? I desire adventure and simplicity, at the same time. Is it even possible to acquire both of these and at the same time? I see pictures of mountains, forests and cliffs overlooking the sea and even have occasionally gotten to experience getting close to my dream.
Standing a top a mountain is the closest I've gotten. It is one of my favorite places to be in the whole world. It gives that fleeting feeling of ecstasy... the feeling that you completed the journey successfully and didn't give up. I wish life was this simple, but life is more of a marathon based on endurance, than a leisurely day hike. As much as we desire true rest at the end of a long journey this eludes us. The interesting thing about life is that you NEVER fully arrive at the end of enlightenment or growth, not this side of heaven. Sometimes, you may grow and develop yourself so intensely for years that you get to a place where you don't even realize who you've come. For better or worse.
In my case its for the better, but since it also leaves me feeling recently like I'm living someone elses life or that I showed up a bit late for my own. I can't shake this feeling that I've walked into the movie of my own life about 45 minutes late.What happened at the beginning? I don't understand the conflict. What caused the climax and how does the character resolve it? I think it is very possible to be so focused on surviving, providing yourself and distracting the heart with trying to meet everyone elses needs that you wake up one day and realize you don't know what you want and you don't have any dreams left. It is a scary, empty place to be and the reason I know is that I am that person.
That is when you reach a crossroads. You have to decide whether you will give up and let your spirit die or whether instead you will face rising desire with squared shoulders and face set like flint in steely determination. Robert Frost really did describe it best:
It doesn't matter how many friends you have, how much or that you fight through 8 million souls to get to work on time each day. This place of the journey is one that you face as a lone traveler. No one can make the decision for you. I want to look back at the end of my life and know I took the one less traveled. The one that is too risky for the masses to take... The one where you awaken desire and face it like a champion.
No wonder Solomon, one of the wisest kings to ever live left this advice in the book of Proverbs 4:28. "Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life." Many times Christians remain focused on citing this scripture when referring to human love and relationship with a significant other. I think that is missing the point if we camp on that as the only interpretation. If we are spiritual being than there is much more to the condition of the heart in relation to our Creator. There is much more to this scripture and much more meaning to glean from the words of advice. If your heart stops beating in the physical body, then you die. What happens when your spirit stops dreaming?
Standing a top a mountain is the closest I've gotten. It is one of my favorite places to be in the whole world. It gives that fleeting feeling of ecstasy... the feeling that you completed the journey successfully and didn't give up. I wish life was this simple, but life is more of a marathon based on endurance, than a leisurely day hike. As much as we desire true rest at the end of a long journey this eludes us. The interesting thing about life is that you NEVER fully arrive at the end of enlightenment or growth, not this side of heaven. Sometimes, you may grow and develop yourself so intensely for years that you get to a place where you don't even realize who you've come. For better or worse.
In my case its for the better, but since it also leaves me feeling recently like I'm living someone elses life or that I showed up a bit late for my own. I can't shake this feeling that I've walked into the movie of my own life about 45 minutes late.What happened at the beginning? I don't understand the conflict. What caused the climax and how does the character resolve it? I think it is very possible to be so focused on surviving, providing yourself and distracting the heart with trying to meet everyone elses needs that you wake up one day and realize you don't know what you want and you don't have any dreams left. It is a scary, empty place to be and the reason I know is that I am that person.
That is when you reach a crossroads. You have to decide whether you will give up and let your spirit die or whether instead you will face rising desire with squared shoulders and face set like flint in steely determination. Robert Frost really did describe it best:
| TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood, | |
| And sorry I could not travel both | |
| And be one traveler, long I stood | |
| And looked down one as far as I could | |
| To where it bent in the undergrowth; |
No wonder Solomon, one of the wisest kings to ever live left this advice in the book of Proverbs 4:28. "Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life." Many times Christians remain focused on citing this scripture when referring to human love and relationship with a significant other. I think that is missing the point if we camp on that as the only interpretation. If we are spiritual being than there is much more to the condition of the heart in relation to our Creator. There is much more to this scripture and much more meaning to glean from the words of advice. If your heart stops beating in the physical body, then you die. What happens when your spirit stops dreaming?
Oh, Sugar, this is SUCH a good blog. I feel like I'm getting to know you more deeply and that's exciting. You've always been complicated but your sweet gentle spirit made it easy to look at that sweet soft side and marvel at the complicated side without fully plumbing its depths! Thanks for such a GREAT "window" into your soul. You're SO courageous. I adore you, as always, but I'm SO excited to get to know you. As I read what I've written, I realized that your mother is like you in this way. You are both SO different but SO much alike! Now, there's a puzzle.
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