The Lord of the Rings

First of all, I have a confession to make. The first time I saw The Fellowship of the Ring movie in the theatre I fell asleep and took a peaceful nap most of the movie until the Orgs burst onto the scene. Apparently, no one told them about "6-inch voices"! Before you lose total respect for me and think I'm totally lame, let me explain... For starters, I had a cold and was really tired. Second and final point, I was a 16-year old high school girl who had an extremely hard time distinguishing the good guys from the bad guys, because everybody had long hair and strange shaped ears. Ok, end of story and subsequent rabbit trail. Also, now that I understand the story line they are some of my favorite movies and I eagerly await The Hobbit's debut next year! Moving along...

"I wonder what sort of tale we've fallen into?" 

-J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Being a Christian is about as boring as being Frodo or Sam in the Lord of the Rings... I say this completely out of love, but anyone that is under the impression that living as a follower of Jesus is boring, is quite misguided. Every mistake in life has a price attached and being ignorant of your purpose or the fact that you have one is too expensive a mistake to make. Read on.....Believe me, if you are doing life the right way, you will be in for an epic journey! 

Can I just say from my heart, as if I were sitting across from you and we both had coffee mugs in hand, you were lovingly thought of by a god in heaven that had a purpose in mind for you from the very beginning? 

"For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you."

Psalm 139:13-18

I don't care if that's the first time or the 200th time you've read it, read it again and again if you need to to let the words sink in! 

I have really begun to understand my life in this framework of an epic story, because I understand what it's like to be the main character in the middle of the story where you think the end has just taken place, having a hard time realizing that it's far from over.

One of my older brothers loves the writings of Frederick Buechner and in his work Telling the Truth, Buechner describes the Gospel story of Christianity in the following way:

"It is a world of magic and mystery, of deep darkness and flickering starlight. it is a world where terrible things happen and wonderful things too. It is a world where goodness is pitted against evil, love against hate, order against chaos, in a great struggle where often it is hard  to be sure who belongs to which side because appearances are endlessly deceptive. Yet for all its confusion and wildness, it is a world where the battle goes ultimately to the good, who live happily ever after, and where in the long run everybody, good and evil alike, becomes known by his true name... That is the fairy tale of the Gospel with, of course, one crucial difference from all other fairy tales, which is that the claim made for it is that it is true, that it not only happened once upon a time but has kept on happening ever since and is happening still."

Now is the time...

John 6
³⁵ Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; he who comes to Me will not hunger, and he who believes in Me will never thirst. ³⁶ But I said to you that you have seen Me, and yet do not believe. ³⁷ All that the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will certainly not cast out.³⁸ For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me. ³⁹ This is the will of Him who sent Me, that of all that He has given Me I lose nothing, but raise it up on the last day. ⁴⁰ For this is the will of My Father, that everyone who beholds the Son and believes in Him will have eternal life, and I Myself will raise him up on the last day.”


I've always been quicker to listen, observe, watch and reflect, than to speak. My early years were spent listening and observing the teachings of Jesus through church, watching my parents and hearing the Words of God in scripture. The earliest memory I can conjure up is sitting in the passenger seat of the car in the parking lot of Ralph's grocery store discussing salvation with my mother. It was just a couple months after my 4th birthday at that time. I reached out to my mother the other day to ask her what she remembers of that day. She had written this entry in October of 1988, Southern California:


"I had talked to Trinity the night before, once again, about the plan of
salvation. On this day as we were driving into the parking lot at Ralph's
grocery store in Portola Plaza, Mission Viejo, Trinity said, "I've got God in
my heart!" After questioning her, she said she asked Jesus in, that He'd
never leave her, that His Spirit was in her heart, and His body was up in
heaven! Another sign of her independent spirit -- to do it "BY HERSELF!" -my Mother

^{2 Corinthians 6:2}

^{2 "}For he says,

“In the time of my favor I heard you,
    and in the day of salvation I helped you.”

I tell you, now is the time of God’s favor, now is the day of salvation."

I always knew there was a God and I have never once doubted his existence my entire life. I did many years later doubt that his intentions for me were good though (more about that later). I knew God's presence deeply and personally from that young age forward and realize now that though salvation is an experience and decision that happens once and it sets a course for the rest of your life. It was the starting line of a race, the gun went off and I started running.....

Hebrews 12

 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. ² We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. ³ Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up."

Where life begins...

"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. So if you're feeling uncomfortable right now, know that the change taking place in your life is a beginning, not an ending." -Neale Donald Walsch

I am a very private person. My deep light and love for people of all shapes and sizes and from all backgrounds even masks the fact that I get my energy from being alone. Only those who have lived life alongside me know the amount of time I spend alone to balance my career, social life and ministry. My privacy is a comfortable place for me emotionally, but I have a story to tell. Whether you have known me as Model, Senior Class President, MTV Reality TV Star, co-worker, Prayer Group leader, Traveler, friend, acquaintance or maybe you know nothing at all about me... 

Social Media is an amazing tool of technology, but it is superficial and might cause you to believe that my life is very predictable and that success and adventure are all an easy flowing part of my life. It would be disrespectful to God himself to not share my journey of freedom. I am not the woman I am today because life has been super fun and a long “mountain top experience” with lots of new opportunities constantly coming my way. No one on Facebook or Twitter saw me curled up in the fetal position clutching my chest as if it would hold a broken heart together or the expletives in my prayer journal as I poured out my frustration to God about my teenage years... I have kept my struggles, spiritual revelations and past pain of deferred dreams a secret, but I want to take a flying leap out of my comfort zone and share some of it, so that it can help other women. I don't want my pain and mistakes to be wasted. Life is a battle to be fought. There are 2 sides: Light and Darkness, and there is no neutral ground. 

“The men and women who are truly filled with light are those who have gazed deeply into the darkness of their own imperfect existence.” –Brennan Manning

The Campaign

Though I don’t really much any TV, other than Sports and the News I always enjoy a comedy! Who doesn’t need some comic relief in our day of wars, crime and natural disasters? It makes sense why “Seeking a friend for the end of the World” with Steve Carroll and Kiera Knightly got some good reviews. Now I am seeing ads around New York promoting the latest comedy “The Campaign” starring Will Ferrell and Zac Galifanakis. This film will no doubt be hilarious, considering the A-Team they cast for it! However, the more I thought about it just made me sad. Is this what our great democracy has become? A big joke? The American Soldiers, who are missed by their loved ones and are risking their mental, physical and spiritual health in life, are fighting a war for the ideals and freedom of a government that is just a big joke?

Last week I got on a kick of watching epic themed films to decompress and remind myself of historic examples that morals and integrity still can exist in this morally loose culture I find myself living in. I couldn’t help double fist-pumping and practically bouncing up and down on the bed as Maximus fought for Strength and Honor in The Gladiator, Natty Bumppo fought for freedom and love in The Last of the Mohicans and William Wallace led the Scottishmen from the front lines into a battle, rousing them from selfishness and reminding them that it is better to die for freedom, than to die warm and cozy in thier bed as a coward. The most recent epic film I watched was The Patriot, also starring Mel Gibson’s character as a single American father of 7 children during the Revolutionary War. His sacrifice for the cause of freedom involved losing 2 children and risking leaving the other 5 without mother AND father, by going to fight. Though “The Patriot” is not totally historically accurate, the fact remains that the price of Freedom for the nation of America was expensive and it still is today.

I won’t tell you WHO to vote for in November, but you owe it to the hundreds of thousand lives lost so YOU would be able to safely cast a ballot on the first Tuesday of November. I don’t care if you think the candidates are both jokes, you have been given the freedom to educate yourself on both men and have the freedom to choose one. Whether you like it or not, one of these men will be running our country come November and you choose which one will greatly influence your future and that of your family and descendents. 

Behind the Veil

It was the beginning of summer 2010 and I remember sitting on the plane as it left Germany and approached the Middle East thinking "What am I doing? This is crazy!" I was nervous and I watched while the women on the plane started to put on their burquas and hejabs as they neared their home country. I started to get anxious. Why did I quit my job to come to a foreign country and meet women I didn't know and teach them English? My curiosity had gotten the best of me. I was tired of watching the news about extremist Muslims that wanted to blow me and my family up. I didn't know much about Muslims, but I wanted to. I wanted to get to know women that lived quietly beneath the black veil. I wanted to know about the mysterious culture. Common sense told me that not every Muslim was secretly thinking of ways to kill me. In the U.S. I didn't know many Muslim women and in the Subways of New York occasionally I would see a women with a veil out with her husband and children. I was intimidated now, but it was too late to turn back. I pulled my pink scarf up to cover my golden hair and took a deep breath as I clutched my passport with white knuckles and we neared the ancient land where the history is so rich and deep... 

 My team members and I started taking Arabic lessons each morning of the first week and then we went to the English classroom at the University in the afternoon. The first day I sat down next to a female student. We were both a little nervous, but we began to chat and get to know each other. Gradually each day I got to know the girls a bit better and practiced recognizing each of my new friends by their eyes and their shoes, since each women wore the same black burqua and veil. They were just like myself and other women I knew in the States. Maybe it doesn't seem like much of a revelation, but they were just regular  women. Just as I was a bit fearful and insecure of what they would think of me, they felt the same insecurity! The walls came down for me and I lost the timidity. In the lunchroom an American friend and I walked into the female side of the cafeteria as I was mumbling to myself practicing ordering a water and a falafel in Arabic. The lunchroom got quiet and the girls turned to stare and whispered to each other quietly. A couple girls in line timidly asked us where we were from and we practiced our new phrases like "Asalam Alakum: Peace be to you" and "Tasharafna: Nice to meet you". Ana Ismi Trinity! Aish ismik? The girls got a kick out my Arabic and I gradually became less and less nervous with each interaction. The invisible barriers were coming down...

The dialogue had begun and I've wanted to know more about this mysterious part of the world and the religion behind it all. I definitely found perspective on the journey that summer and was able to build relationships with many young women and experience things many American women would never get to experience... That's why I want to share more of my experiences and learn more from others.

Peripety and Chiastic Structure

Esther 2:7 ----------->Esther 2:9

I've been doing Beth Moore's Bible study of Esther looking into two literary devices used in this short book of the Bible. It is the only book in the Bible that doesn't use the name of God at all. it is an intriguing story of a Jewish orphan who later becomes the Queen of Persia and ends up rescuing the Jewish people living in the Empire from a holocaust. Though the hand of God is weaved intricately throughout the background of the book, it is subtle, yet powerful. 

The first literary device is: chiastic structure- inverted parallelism. it is a reversal of structures to make a powerful point. John F Kennedy's quote is a good example: "ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country." It is so powerful to see how God reverses the destiny of a young orphaned Jewish girl and she becomes the Queen of the Persian Empire. The book also shows inverted parallelism clearly in the story of a people group being sentenced to a mass execution by order of the king and to see the reversal of their destiny as the Queen steps up and out in boldness at the prompting of a family member. She uses her influence, at the risk of her own life, to save an entire nation of people by giving them the power and opportunity to fight for themselves.

The lesson I have embraced from the study is that Jesus Christ seeks us out so that He can reverse our destiny. I think of my childhood and the many Saturdays I spent at the community soccer and baseball fields with my mom. This is what happens when you have three older brothers in sports. I sat in the bleachers with my face (thick coke-bottled glasses and all) buried deep in a book. One day mom gently took me by the arm and firmly led me over to another little girl my age. I hid behind her as she attempted to introduce me... This was my story throughout Elementary school. Talk about a reversal of destiny! Later in high school I was voted Junior Class President and Senior Class President and couldn't walk from class to class without saying hello to every other student I passed. Still to this day my career is based on networking and relationships and after college I moved to New York City to start a new life and later lived in Italy and traveled to the Middle East to teach English. My friends watch me at a social gathering and are baffled, when I tell them I am naturally an introvert. A destiny reversed. My love for others and for people in general comes from Jesus. I can't help, but love and desire to get to know others, because each one of us has such a unique story. An epic story that is being written and we, like Esther, are the protagonist. 

The second literary device is called Peripety and by definition is a sudden turn of events that reverses the expected or intended outcome. What is it for you? What transformation and reversal of destiny have you seen or do you long to see in your life? Please know that it is possible. Maybe you grew up a very selfish child who had more than you could ever need or ask for and now you are involved in the community and sharing your excess blessing with those in need. Reversal of destiny. Or maybe, you were shy as a child like me, or even abused, and now you have a message that you need to share with others. You have had an encounter with the God working behind the scenes in your life and you can't and won't shut up about freedom! If you are still waiting for the turn of events to reverse the outcome others might "expect" from your life, than pray to the Living God for him to come and intervene. He will. The Lord longs to show you gracious compassion.

Voices

Last night I was walking past some housing projects downtown on my way to a church event. I was behind a woman and her daughter who were headed back to their apartment with some Chinese Take-Out. I’m not sure what the daughter had done, if anything at all, to make the mother so angry, but the closer I got to them (I walk New York kind of fast…) I heard the mother spitting out the most bitter angry words I have heard in a long time. “You are SO stupid!” “Why are you walking behind me?” “Stop walking so slow or I will punch you in your face!” The woman’s words dripped with pain, bitterness and hate. My heart broke for the daughter who looked to be no more than 9 years old. I wanted desperately to pull the young girl aside, look her straight in the face and tell her those were lies! A loving God who had great plans in store for her future made her. He made her with a plan and purpose in mind. To be free and lead others to freedom. That is His plan for every woman.

As I prayed this morning for that woman and her daughter to find freedom I thought of the voices I have heard in my life from those dream takers around me. Thankfully, not from my own mother, but I’m sure all of us can remember words of failure and defeat that were spoken to us or over us at one point in our past. I bet we can remember these memories with clear distinction. I go back to the day when I sat in 8th grade Science and took out my Cover Girl compact of pressed powder to apply lip gloss. All of the sudden I heard my science teacher yell at me in front of the whole class. “Put away your make-up! That sure isn’t going to help you in life so stop wasting your time!” The room got quiet and I said defiantly “ YES it is! I am going to be a model!” She laughed at me and her voice dripped with sarcasm as she rolled her eyes.“ Yea right Trinity. Sure.” A friend brought up the incident recently. She reminded me that I was doing now exactly what I told that teacher I dreamed of doing. Yes, I’m grateful I didn’t listen to that teacher. I’m also glad that I didn’t give up when all those agents I met with when I was younger said I wasn’t “model material” and I wasn’t in a place to succeed in the industry. I’m glad I didn’t listen. I’m so glad. It's not that God has plans for each of us to be a fashion model, but we all have dreams placed in us. God given desires that sometimes won't go away if there is a calling on our life. We all model something. Let us model courage. Let us model humility and unconditional love. Don't ever try to take someone else's dream or allow them to take yours...

Are there any words that you have played over in your mind and have allowed to influence any decisions or thought process? Please know and be reminded that WE choose who we listen to in our life. There is always going to be someone giving us his or her opinion until the day we breathe our last. It is up to us to choose whom to listen to and choose wisely.

Here are some truths from my maker (and yours) that I cling to daily:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD” –Jeremiah 29:11-14

“For nothing is impossible with God." -Luke 1:37

“The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." –Deuteronomy 31:8

“For you created my inmost being; 
you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, 
I know that full well. 
My frame was not hidden from you 
when I was made in the secret place, 
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; 
all the days ordained for me were written in your book 
before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! 
 How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, 
they would outnumber the grains of sand— 
when I awake, I am still with you. “–Psalm 139:13-18

If God be for us, who can be against us? He that spared not His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifies. Who is he that condemns? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us. -Romans 8:31b-34